I felt numb and broken before I understood the truth about my panic attacks

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Louis Watkins recalls the first time anxiety struck him, convinced he was having a heart attack, and during his first panic attack, he truly believed he was dying. Growing up without open conversations about emotions or mental health, especially as a young man, left him unprepared to recognize or understand these symptoms.

“In sixth form, nothing else mattered other than getting my A-levels and it put a lot of strain on so many aspects of my life. Then when I didn’t get the results I wanted to, I thought my life was over.”

After years of wrestling with anxiety, Louis has made it his mission to challenge the stigma men face when discussing mental health, proving that expressing emotion requires strength, not weakness. His men’s self-care brand, Clear For Men, has built a community where men are encouraged to share their feelings and prioritize both physical and mental wellbeing.
This movement is timely, as research shows that mental health stigma remains a major barrier for men worldwide, with men less likely than women to seek help and suicide rates among men being more than twice as high as those among women.
Like many in Wales, Louis felt the profound impact of the Covid-19 pandemic on his mental health, describing how lockdown left him feeling like a “shell” of himself, frightened and isolated at home. “It was the first time I started to feel like a shell of myself.

I think Covid really knocked me for six, I wanted it to be eased so bad that I was scared to go outside because I just wanted it to end but I also couldn’t deal with the social isolation aspect of it.” As restrictions lifted, his anxiety only intensified, culminating in physical symptoms that mimicked a heart attack, a common experience for those unfamiliar with anxiety’s many faces.

On a seemingly ordinary day at his grandparents’ house, Louis was suddenly overwhelmed by a rush of lightheadedness. “I had this massive lightheaded rush. I felt like I was going to pass out and thought to myself ‘what is going on?’ I’m just staring at my bamp thinking ‘what do I say?’ We were in the middle of a conversation and it just happened. I didn’t feel good, I felt awful and I didn’t say anything about it. I think it was probably the first time I’ve experienced it.”

Even as these episodes became more frequent, Louis still felt unable to open up, convinced he was dying each time, and unsure how to articulate his experience.

He remembers walking down the street, suddenly needing to sit, his chest tight and his arms tingling, convinced he was having a heart attack. “I went to the hospital, and they told me I was fine, that nothing’s wrong.

Looking back on it now, I think it was probably the first ever panic attack I’ve had but because I’d never experienced it I was freaking out, I didn’t know what it was. I thought I was dying.” Alongside anxiety, he experienced bouts of numbness, unable to feel happiness or sadness, just a persistent sense of nothingness.

Louis said, “I felt numb, I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t unhappy, it was just nothing. I just couldn’t show any emotion. It felt weird, I didn’t know why I was feeling that way. I think I was just so hard on myself and like I wasn’t being nice to myself.

I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why that was. I think because I didn’t know how to channel what I was feeling mentally and my anxiety. I didn’t know who to turn to or how to speak about it, so I felt almost weak really. And it made me feel more isolated.” This sense of isolation is not uncommon; studies show that nearly 40% of men won’t talk to anyone about their mental health, often due to societal expectations that men should be stoic and self-reliant.

It wasn’t until his struggles deepened that Louis realized how emotionally closed off he was from friends and family. “It was only when I got older that I realised that, because I actually messaged my mates in a group chat saying that I was really struggling. It was the first time I reached out and they said ‘it will get better, bro’ and I knew that they probably felt as uncomfortable receiving that message as I did sending it because it is the first time we spoke about it.

Because they probably feel the same, we just don’t know how to communicate it.” This discomfort is echoed in research, which highlights that traditional ideas of masculinity often prevent men from seeking help, with many internalizing the belief that vulnerability is weakness.

Determined to change this narrative, Louis launched Clear For Men while still completing his apprenticeship, officially taking the leap to focus on the brand after being made redundant in December 2024. The brand’s Take Five cleanser encourages men to prioritize self-care, a subject often seen as taboo.

Through his brand and social media, Louis sparks conversations about mental health, urging men to speak openly about their struggles and support one another.

The impact has been tangible, with friends and family becoming more comfortable discussing their emotions. “A lot of my mates now say to me that they feel more comfortable talking about their mental health than they ever have before. My brothers are more open about anxiety.

I don’t think the words anxious or anxiety, I ever heard my brothers say before I started the business so now I can see that it’s more normalised. I feel 10 times more comfortable speaking about it now. I want to show people that it’s not weak to talk about it, it’s important to.”

Messages from customers and followers reinforce the value of his work, with one person commenting, “you saved my life without even realising it,” a moment that left a profound impression on Louis.

With each purchase from Clear For Men, 15% of profits are donated to mental health charities CALM and Mind, organizations Louis now serves as an ambassador for. His story and ongoing work highlight the urgent need to tackle stigma and foster open dialogue, as mental health challenges remain a leading cause of death among men globally.

By sharing his journey and building a supportive community, Louis is helping to rewrite what it means to be strong, showing that seeking help is a sign of courage, not weakness.